Tag Archives: Brazilian men

Beef & Booze: My Food & Wine Festival Menu Selections, Part Two

18 Aug


Are you ready for another bunch of my Food & Wine Festival menu picks? (I really wish I’d used “picks” instead of “selections” in the title, but it’s too late now) If you didn’t read Part One, check it out HERE! Now let’s dive in!


I will work Trey Songz into every post, so help me!

Refreshment Port–Dole Whip with crème de cacao white, I guess

This name just really confuses me. It’s basically a Dole booth, so why is it given that dull and generic-sounding name? Anyway. I’m sad they got rid of the pineapple fritters they had last year, as I was pretty intrigued by them. Alas. I’ll just get the overpriced Dole Whip with booze. Maybe the slushy Dragon Berry thing. Dole Whip in Epcot just seems plain wrong, but sometimes you have to just suck it up and eat Dole Whip in Epcot, I suppose. That’s the moral of this vacation.

Greece– Spanakopita

I’m just going to keep saying that in an exaggerated Italian accent because I am Michael Scott. I wonder if John Stamos hangs around this booth. I’d like to spana his kopita! I don’t know. Leave me alone. It’s a spinach pie thing and I am going to slide it down my gullet. The alcohol at this booth does nothing for me.

New Zealand– Some wine, I guess

Kiwi a-go-go! There better be an attractive cast member at this booth for me to swoon over. Do they have a song in New Zealand called “Why Don’t We Get Munted and Root?” I’ll have to ask the cast member. The food here doesn’t do much for me. Although, “How are your lip mussels? Can I try them out?” would be a really choice pick-up line and I really, really hope I don’t remember that when I’m tipsy. Ok, before I make some more lech-y creep-o comments–the only alcohol here is wine so I guess wine it is!

Africa– Beef tips

So what’s the deal with this booth? The booth itself says South Africa. The menu and web sites say Africa. They’re not interchangeable, Disney. Quit pulling this shit. Africa is a, say it with me now, CONTINENT. Obviously Disney plays fast and loose with the Food and Wine kiosks but this just irks me. The only thing here that sounds remotely appetizing to me are the beef tenderloin tips berbere style with okra, jalapeños, tomato and pap, but I don’t feel super enthusiastic about it. I am going to be so sick of beef on this trip. I may have switch Twitter handles with Dan.

Brazil– Frozen Caipirinha

While I’m pretty intrigued by the pork belly, it has that pesky, nasty cilantro. I may just give it a try anyway–like I said before, I can deal with cilantro in some dishes and this one may be worth the risk. It is served on black beans with tomato. Last year it included avocado, but that’s not listed on the menu this year. I’m not sure if it’s an oversight or if they’ve gotten rid of it. SUSPENSE! You’ll just have to wait for the exciting conclusion! The pao de queijo, a cheese bread, sounds good. However, I’m really not sure I’m going to be really wanting a piece of bread in the hot, Florida sun. I will most definitely be getting a frozen Caipirinha, which the internet claims is Brazil’s national cocktail. A quick Google of “Brazilian men” also tells me that they are all very hot and usually in some state of undress, so I look forward to that as well.

A typical Brazilian man, according to Google.

A typical Brazilian man, according to Google.

Scotland– Vegetarian Haggis

OCH! The land of tartan and ginger. I’ve gotta say, googling “Scottish men” is not nearly as fun as “Brazilian men”. It’s not the kilts. It’s the white kneesocks. So, I’m totally going to go for the vegetarian haggis here. It’s such a cop-out. They really ought to have the real deal. I’m not saying I would eat it, but come on. In any case, I’ve never had rutabaga so that’ll be just crazy fun. No booze for Ole Clarfy at this booth. Sorry scotch lovers, I am not among you. I really wanted to work “cold-hearted harbinger of haggis” into this entry, but it wasn’t meant to be. Well, except right there. But that doesn’t really count.

Australia– Pavlova

I’ve heard a lot of great things about the lamb chop here, but I won’t be having it. It’s covered in a mint pesto and the only time I like mint is if it’s in some kind of sweet. The other option is shrimp, which I do not want. Luckily, the dessert here sounds so good that the name alone had me drooling. It’s described as a “crispy meringue shell with fresh berries and vanilla custard”, which sounds absolutely perfect on a hot summer day. I’m very much looking forward to this one.

Brewer’s Collection– Not Sure

Not Sure? What an odd name for a beer! Wokka wokka! Anyway, I’d really like to do a beer flight here but each one has at least one beer I’m not interested in trying. Ah, the trials of a solo trip. I’ll probably still opt to get Beer Flight #1, which has Radeberger Pilsner, BraufactuM Colonia, BraufactuM Palor and Schöfferhofer Grapefruit. I’m not huge on Grapefruit but I may suck it up. Literally? Sure. If I could just switch it with the Altenmünster Oktoberfest from the second flight, I’d be happy. The second flight has too much dark for my liking. We’ll see. I may opt to just sample one or two that I’m interested in. Pilsner in a glass, or the first flight, I can pop bottles all night ’cause baby I can do whatever I liiiiike… Yeah, I can do whatever I liiiiike…

China– Potstickers and Kung Fu Punch

Potstickers sound really good to me right now and so it’s clouding my judgement. Mongolian beef in a bun with chili mayo sounds tasty but again I find myself guessing I’m not going to want it when I’m drenched in sweat and hotter than whatever pepper currently grows in Living with the Land. I think I’ll take a break from beer here and opt to get a vodka drink. (I’ll be one whiskey drink away from hitting the ole Chumbawumba superfecta.) I’m not sure what flavor Kung Fu is, but I bet it packs a real… Nope. Not gonna do it.


Stay tuned for Part Three!