I’m the Baby, GOTTA LOVE ME: Dinosaurs “Big Songs” Cassette

8 Nov

ImageI remember listening to the Dinosaurs “Big Songs” cassette all the time as a kid, much like the Simply Mad about the Mouse cassette. Of course, the main difference between these is that “Big Songs” is definitely meant for children. Listening back now, I can’t imagine an adult enjoying this much. And I’m saying this as an adult woman who listens to Disney songs regularly. It’s a fun trip down memory lane but, wow. I’m not going to be adding this to any playlist. So let’s get down to the songs!

1. “I’m A Dinosaur (I Can Do Whatever I Want)”

This song has Baby Sinclair proclaiming that he can do whatever he wants (’cause he’s a dinosaur). It’s, just, exceedingly obnoxious. And yet I remember just thinking it was HILARIOUS as a kid. I am retroactively ashamed.

Sample lyric: No one can tell me I have to be quiet / Or take a nap at four / I can do whatever I want / ‘CAUSE I’M A DINOSAUR

2. “In a Perfect World”

This song reminds me of a song from a musical set in the 50’s with a splash of Aretha (what with the spelling). It’s even got the whole “Tell us about it, Charlene!” bit at the beginning. It’s about how in a perfect world there wouldn’t be any war. Oh, and all you’d do is shop and eat and you’re a natural blonde. I assume (read:hope) that it was meant to mock teenagers’ unique mix of selfish needs and wide-eyed optimism about changing the world. I must’ve listened to this one a lot, as it will randomly pop into my head from time to time.

Sample lyric: In a perfect world / Math wouldn’t be so hard / I’d have no credit limit on my dino credit card / I’d look great in a leotard

3. “I Wanna Be King”

This song effing blows. It’s like Poison meets Springsteen meets Lame As F**k. I didn’t even make it all the way through.

Sample Lyric: no

4. “Grandma’s Comin'”

Mothers-in-Law, amirite? This is a big band jazz sort of number–Louis Armstrong-esque. And it’s hilarious cuz MOTHERS-IN-LAW AMIRITE?

Sample Lyric: I wish I could make her disappear / Or maybe something worse

5. “Stone Age Bayou”

Little Annie, seriously? Why did you love this song? Weirdo.

Sample Lyric: He’d be the lizard / I’d wanna spend my life with / We’d build a home / Full of lava and stone

6. “I’m the Baby (Gotta Love Me)”

This is the song everyone remembers. Just reading the title makes you hear Baby Sinclair in your head. “I’m the baby, GOTTA LOVE ME!!!!” For some reason, this song doesn’t annoy me. I recognize it as annoying and yet I accept it. I even like it. I crack up every time we hear Earl go, “FRAN!!!” And I approve of Grandma’s deadpan delivery of “Don’t try this at home.” Baby Sinclair does say “poop”, though. So.

Sample Lyric: I take every chance to make a poop in my pants / But I’m the baby, and ya GOT TO

7. “Coldblooded Guy” 

I really can’t listen to this song and not think of Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. It’s like Rock n Roll meets a really horrible boss. Or something. If you’re a working stiff, it may hit a little close to home.

Sample Lyric: I’m ill-tempered, disrespectful, nasty, cruel and vicious / I had a family once and they were delicious

8. “He’s a Lizard”

This is sort of a dinosaur torch song. All it really makes me want to do is listen to Reptar! on Ice.

Sample Lyric: I sit by the door and I wait for his roar as he staggers home / Smelling of lunch box and bark

9. “Poor Slobs with Terrible Jobs”

Another that I just find sort of depressing. It’s going to pop into my head whenever I’m hating my job now; I can feel it.

Sample Lyric: We’re scared to quit and on top of it / When the climate changes we’ll all freeze

10. “Eon after Eon”

Ah, yes. Now THIS I want to sing loudly to at 3am with my friends. It’s the dinosaur version of every late 80’s/early 90’s movie ballad. It’s got an electric guitar, a clarinet, and a harmony-heavy duet between a smooth-voiced woman and a soulful man. YES THIS IS THE ONE YOU GUYS.

Sample Lyric: Next time you’re down-hearted and you feel you don’t belong / It doesn’t mean that no one likes you, I’ll be here to say they’re wrong

11. “Be a Herbivore”

The food in Earl’s fridge begs him to become a herbivore. I don’t even know what to think. But I kind of want a “Go eat a leaf!” shirt.

Sample Lyric: As a snack, we’re a bore / Come on, be a herbivore

12. “Snoozin’ Time”

Oh thank god no, it’s the last one. This is a lullably from Fran to Baby Sinclair. It’s hilaaarious because she’s naming all the bad things he’s done all day but singing a sweet lullaby. Get it? GET IT? IT’S HILARIOUS

Sample Lyric: no

I have to say, listening to this entire album felt like a bit of a chore. They probably could’ve done, like, eight songs. But I remember listening to it all the time in my boom box, so it was fun to remember all those familiar tunes. I’m a little irritated with Little Annie for not being a cynical 5 year old and hating this, but I was at least 11 before I realized that everything is stupid.

While the songs are heavy on entertainingly corny dinosaur jokes, it doesn’t begin to match the wit of the show. The show was sarcastic and the jokes were layered. This album is a one-trick pony, with the exception of “I’m the Baby” and “Eon After Eon”. So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to relearn all the words to the latter so I can tipsily serenade Wes when he gets off of work. He’s gonna love it.





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